Guest blogger David Owens contributes to our final reflection on the issue of suffering in a most personal testimonial. Thank you, David, for this profoundly moving sharing of your walk of discipleship of trust in the Triune God. I include David’s words in his email which introduce his thoughts:  

I’ve been pondering the Bishop’s blog on answering ‘the problem’ of suffering, and the various guest bloggers contributions.  Without being asked, I’m attaching my own thoughts primarily because it has been helpful to me to think through the experience of the last several months and commit it to words.  If it’s useful to others that’s a bonus.  If John wants to use any, some, or none of it please feel free.  Blessings, David. {I decided to use all of David’s reflection which follows}

“After a day of much prayer and bitter tears we are heading in to hospital to be induced and give birth to Anabelle Louise Owens. We know already that some time in the last few days something has caused her heart to stop. Although every other sign remains good, our beloved girl has already died. We ask you to light the candle as you pray for us. [In preparing for the birth of our daughter whom we had already named Anabelle we sent the table candles from our wedding dinner to family and friends that they might light them as we went in to labour and pray for us while they awaited our announcement.] I won’t send another sms tonight. Thank you for your support. David and Julia.”

Sunday 28^th March 2010 5.33pm

 Anabelle Louise Owens has arrived on her Cuddle Day this afternoon, quiet and still, but so beautiful and perfectly formed. Already loved and adored but also grieved for what will not be. We have appreciated your prayers and support in the last few days and will in the coming weeks. Thank you, David and Julia

Wednesday 31^st  March 2010 3.40pm

There is a problem with “suffering”.  What do you do with this experience and a loving God?  How do you understand what has happened?  What have I learned in the months since?  First that the “pop theology” residing in the broad community of pain/suffering/loss is varied, seemingly consistently unhelpful, and seriously non-biblical.  “God needed another angel”, “God has taken her early to avoid an even worse fate”, “God is using this to teach you (me or someone else) an important lesson”, “everything happens for a purpose (which we cannot see)”, are all simply wrong.  All will eventually trip you up and tie you to a God who is not God.

People want to speak words of comfort.  Saying “thank you” as soon as possible seems to take the pressure off people and allows them to stop talking nonsense, and just be.  I remain humbled that Job’s “comforters” sat silently with him for a week (Job 2:11-13), I cannot say I have ever offered that level of practical sympathy to another.

I have been reminded repeatedly that Christian family is amazing.  A number simply sat for hours outside our home and prayed.  Many wished to provide any love and support that we could cope with.  Will and Gill screened this and managed our church – they were a quiet constant blessing.  Home group provided a practical basket of love some weeks after the funeral that was tangibly them and us – it too was a blessing.  Our needs were really very small and life shrank to a surprisingly minimalist extent.  After time some normalcy was craved and slowly we re-engaged with the world.

What else did I learn?  That the time to work out your own understanding of suffering is not in the midst of it – grief is too overwhelming.  An earlier observation of (another’s) loss had allowed me to already know the falsehood of “everything happens for a purpose”, and the long term damage that that misunderstanding would do.  I understood the wrongness, and curse of what we were living through.  God was not remote, and actually the flat black and white text of scripture became vibrant and colourful, three dimensional truth.  The mapless grief remained but God’s promise was certain and a comfort.

Music always a part of our home became a part of the grieving process.  Blessed be the name of the Lord, and Indescribable were staples.  Stephen Curtis Chapman’s Beauty will  Rise was too difficult to listen to initially, impossibly painful, but has now became a favourite.

I had a need to put together a timeline of what had happened and a good friend helped enormously there.  I have a need for justice, for my little girl, even while I cannot say what this actually is or will be, beyond the resolution of heaven.

Two passages were immediately helpful and remain continuously front of mind:

1. All of Romans, particularly Chapter 8 where creation groans awaiting redemption, and the Spirit intercedes for us with groans too deep for words to express and especially Rom 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.  This happened not so that God could do good, but even in this God will work for the good of those who love him.  My groans are chorused by the Spirit and creation itself, I am not alone in my grief, and it will not be air brushed away but properly resolved.  Jesus words on the cross “It is finished” (John 19:30) are just that, it is finished.  We wait for the resolution, nothing more needs to be done.  This does not sound like a God who is remote, regardless of any of my own momentary sense or feeling.

2. Rev 21:3,4 “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  I will one day meet my little girl, without tears.  Maranatha.

 See also Answering the problem of suffering and Christians respond to suffering #1, Christians respond to suffering #2, Christians respond to suffering #3, Christians respond to suffering #4, Christians respond to suffering #5 and Christians respond to suffering #6